The onion patch

It has been a very long time that I have been this dirty.

 And it is all because I am a procrastinator. (Don't tell my daughter, Jamie.

 She thinks she has exclusive rights to that title.)

I have done pretty well at keeping my garden weeded...except the onions.

I never planted this many either. They started out so beautifully too.

 I don't really know why I neglected them so bad. Anyway the grass and weeds took over. Mostly grass.

I decided that I would finally rid the onions of a lawn.

It took about an hour and a half but finally you can see the onions.

I weeded in my shorts, which I never wear in public.

I also sat on the ground. The reason I got so dirty.

I am finding that I am getting too old to bend or squat for very long. I suffer greatly when I try.

Actually I don't feel that I am getting too but my body tries to disagree with me.

I will continue to cautiously rebel against my aches and pains.

I do mean cautiously. Just trying to avoid having to use Ben Gay. Still sometimes it wins.

Take running for instance. I had been trying to get some needed exercise by running.

When I say running it really means that I could beat a turtle, or a crawling baby in a race, but that is about all.

Anyway my stupid knee has kept me from continuing that pursuit.

(Stupid Knee!)

I have tried new shoes and a knee wrap. Still no help. Guess I will just have to stick to walking for now.

(SIGH)

I refuse to wallow in self pity!!! I also refuse to give in to the aging process.

Is that really possible or am I just in denial?

It is an imperfect heart

As I was reading through my blogs, I thought to myself, "Wow, I would really like to be like this person."
It occurred to me that when we write about ourselves we have a habit of putting down our good thoughts and people get the idea that we really have it all together. I only wish!! If everyone knew what goes through my head sometimes they would probably be appalled.
I have at times had terrible thoughts about people, been angry over stupid things, whined and had pity parties. Felt far from God, been depressed, been lazy, ignored people I shouldn't have, said spiteful things and the list goes on and on.
Guess what? That is okay if everyone knows that. I want God to be glorified, not me. God is doing a work in me that will take the rest of my life. Seriously, we all want people to think the best of us. I don't think of myself as a bad person until I look deeper and see the pride and yes sometimes self-righteousness, the one thing I hate in other people. I hate it in myself too. It is not that I think I am better than others it is just sometimes I think I am better than I really am.
But if we get insights on things and don't share them we are wasting our experiences and knowledge. Maybe we can help to make the path a little easier for the next person.
So I also need to tell myself the next time I read someone else's blog that I admire,that God is doing a work in them too, and it is so beautiful to see!!!

The Human Touch

As I think back on the past 2 weeks at my new job, I think about the people I have seen. Some are pretty
much all alone and see no one else except their in-home aid for weeks and weeks at a time. Others see
family members daily or at least weekly.
Still others spend a lot of time on the phone connected to loved ones.
I wonder if those family members that call regularly but visit rarely think they are doing enough for their loved
one.
"We have called Mom/Dad and they are having their needs met. Someone is doing their housework, cooking, personal needs. We have fulfilled our duty as their child." Are they though? What about companionship, face to face communication? Yes their are some that visit daily or at least several times a week. And that is wonderful. They get to have their independence and still share a touch. It is that touching that gives me cause to ponder.
I am a hugger. I crave the human touch. It gives me connection. I make a point of touching people when I see them, whether it is a hug to the appropriate person, or just a touch of the hand, arm or back. But to me it is my way of saying your are important enough for human contact. Your life has touched me and in return I will touch you.
It makes me think how much I miss the touch of my children and grandchildren. I usually have some kind of contact with at least one of them everyday. Via phone, text, email, facebook. It helps, but it still lacks that closeness that I crave. I understand that that is the way life is. I didn't know it was going to be like that when I was raising my kids. I thought we would always be together. I'm sure the people I serve thought the same thing. So for all intents and purposes they are still alone. It is sad to think about.
I think about how will it be when I can no longer do everything for myself. I know I would like to have some independence but I don't think I want to be alone. I don't want to burden my children by asking them to let me live with them, but then again, I don't want to just be a duty to be taken care of. When a person has been the caregiver for most of their lives how do they stop? How do they humble themselves to let a stranger help them bathe? My heart just aches for these lovely lonely people. I try to treat them with as much respect and compassion as I can. But I can never replace their family.

Feet washing

This month has been so full.

Staying with my daughter to help with her 6 children while she had to undergo iodine/radiation and be isolated, was a labor of love. It was a special part of my life I will treasure. It was exhausting at times. Made me realize why most young families have younger parents than me.

I admit...be the end of the second week I was a little bit less patient, to say the least. I knew this when, "I am at the end of my last nerve!" came out of my mouth. Lack of very much sleep (1 little one slept with me on the couch all but maybe 1 day), running after a 'get into EVERYTHING' 1 yr. old, fighting 4 and 7 yr. old, meals, housekeeping, not to mention the mountains of laundry a family of 6 children produce. How did I do that when I was raising my children. I know I had 2 less kids, but then I didn't have help with mine the way I did with my daughter's older children.  I would not have changed a thing.

I had very little time to rest when I got home, as my orientation into my new career began 4 days later. Not counting 600 miles driving by myself to get home.

Friday I finally had my first hands on training then turned loose on my own 2 hours later. It was a very full day. 4 clients, 90 miles of traveling. I came home exhausted but happy.

One particular thing happened that changed my ideas forever.

My last client asked me to wash her feet. It made me think of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples. Some churches practice the Biblical custom of feet washing along with taking communion. I have participated in this activity before. But let me tell you, it is no where close to the same thing.  For one when you do this in church you are basically washing clean well groomed feet. Who comes to church dirty with stinky feet? Granted I know that in some places this does happen but I will bet they don't do much foot washing there. We have washed our children's dirty stinky feet, but we love them and don't think anything of it.

This quiet, shy, lady was morbidly obese. Because of her health condition she had rolls on her legs that sagged below her ankles. She could not even pick her feet up very high because of the weight of them. She had to lay down on her bed so I could see the bottom of her feet.  Shamefully I admit, at one time this would have really grossed me out. But as I witnessed her submission to my task, I felt a humbling connection with this woman. She just wants what everyone else wants. To be cared for and loved. I felt that love and almost started to cry. Is this how Jesus felt? I don't know but he takes our morbidly obese sin and gently washes it away when we submit to Him. I will never look at feet washing the same way again.

Going Home

On my travel back to Indiana I was thinking of the old adage that "you can never go home."
 I always wondered why someone would think that.
 It must be because they have the expectation of everything staying just the way it was when they left it.
We always want to feel that feeling of security that we felt when we were growing up.
That we would always be cared for, loved, cherished, important.
That we didn't have to worry about the unknown because "Daddy" would take care of that and there really wasn't any unknown.
But that doesn't seem to be the case if we just look at the surface.
Life is full of the unknown.
We don't even know in the next minute was is going to happen.
But look closer...
We have a "Daddy" that takes care of the unknown if we let Him.
We can still feel cared for, loved, cherished, important...because we are...to our Heavenly Daddy.
We don't need to worry about "never going home again" because we really haven't been there yet.
This isn't really our home.
Our family is our home no matter where they are.
Not just our biological family, but our family in Christ.
If they are our brothers and sisters shouldn't they feel like home too?

Why am I here?

Such a generic question. Is it why am I here in the world, or why am I here in Missouri?

 Yes and no. It is more than that. Why did God put me HERE?

Right here. What is His plan for me? What is it He wants me to do HERE?

I do want to do His will, what is it? When do we know that it is His will, or ours?

It can be both. When we tune in to God's word we can know what is not His will.

 But we have to tune in, read, contemplate, study, meditate on.

 Not just read books about His word, but read His word.

No one said that being a Christian is easy. You don't just say "I believe" then float along.

I guess that would mean that you don't really believe.

changes

Do you like changes? I do, some of them anyway. I get bored pretty easily. I can't just sit and watch TV. I

have to either be on the computer or doing a crossword puzzle or maybe sudoku. But changes are scary too.

New jobs, new people, new places. Years ago that would petrify me. Now I love it. New jobs give me a

 challenge to satisfy my boredom. New people give me an opportunity to make new friends or maybe be a

 help or comfort. New places give me a sense of adventure and the thrill of discovery. Why was I ever

scared of such wonder and life?