After getting word of a friend whose son was killed in a car accident this weekend, a flood of emotions have overcome me. It takes me back to a horrendous time in the life of our family. Back to when our granddaughter and daughter-in-law were killed in a car accident. Some things are distinct and some things are a blur.
I can see the police officers standing at our door, but I don't believe I could recognize those men today. I remember my son falling to his knees, my husband and younger son sobbing, but I don't remember crying. I remember crying a week or two later when I saw my granddaughter's hand-prints on the window where she liked to look outside. It was months before I could finally wash those precious prints off. I ached for my son, I ached for my daughters who were best friends of my daughter-in-law long before my son and her fell in love. I ached to hear my granddaughter say "I see you Grandma." every time I was watching her from behind a camera lens. She would have been 18 this week. I feel sad that I never really got to know my daughter-in-law very well because she was so shy. I know God has a plan for every thing that happens to his children. It is hard to let go and trust Him. For years I had been very fearful for the rest of my family. It is one of the biggest reasons I pray daily for their spiritual life, so that when the end comes we will be together forever in the presence of God. I have gotten better at trusting God to take care of my family, but I still have moments. My heart goes out to my friend and her family. God has a plan for them I know. And sometimes God sends blessings to ease those pains. Like the blessings of my son's remarriage and his precious children that have been added. God is good all the time. This world is NOT my home. Like the song says...'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops, what if Your healing comes through tears, and what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near. What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy. And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are Your mercies in disguise.
Crying as I read this. I was thinking about Mikayla's birthday being tomorrow. Hard to believe that sweet little, spirited toddler would be 18. I miss them so much at times. We have all come through that (earthly) tragedy stronger and more aware of how precious life is. My heart is broke for Joel's family, for all the hurt they are enduring and the sadness that is to come. I love that song. I cry everytime I hear it. I love you!
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P.S. I also wonder who those officers were. What a horrible job to tell a family that their lives will never be the same again. I remember one being emotional. I also think of all of the emt's that had to see the awful sight of wreckage and death. And the semi driver.
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