The onion patch

It has been a very long time that I have been this dirty.

 And it is all because I am a procrastinator. (Don't tell my daughter, Jamie.

 She thinks she has exclusive rights to that title.)

I have done pretty well at keeping my garden weeded...except the onions.

I never planted this many either. They started out so beautifully too.

 I don't really know why I neglected them so bad. Anyway the grass and weeds took over. Mostly grass.

I decided that I would finally rid the onions of a lawn.

It took about an hour and a half but finally you can see the onions.

I weeded in my shorts, which I never wear in public.

I also sat on the ground. The reason I got so dirty.

I am finding that I am getting too old to bend or squat for very long. I suffer greatly when I try.

Actually I don't feel that I am getting too but my body tries to disagree with me.

I will continue to cautiously rebel against my aches and pains.

I do mean cautiously. Just trying to avoid having to use Ben Gay. Still sometimes it wins.

Take running for instance. I had been trying to get some needed exercise by running.

When I say running it really means that I could beat a turtle, or a crawling baby in a race, but that is about all.

Anyway my stupid knee has kept me from continuing that pursuit.

(Stupid Knee!)

I have tried new shoes and a knee wrap. Still no help. Guess I will just have to stick to walking for now.

(SIGH)

I refuse to wallow in self pity!!! I also refuse to give in to the aging process.

Is that really possible or am I just in denial?

It is an imperfect heart

As I was reading through my blogs, I thought to myself, "Wow, I would really like to be like this person."
It occurred to me that when we write about ourselves we have a habit of putting down our good thoughts and people get the idea that we really have it all together. I only wish!! If everyone knew what goes through my head sometimes they would probably be appalled.
I have at times had terrible thoughts about people, been angry over stupid things, whined and had pity parties. Felt far from God, been depressed, been lazy, ignored people I shouldn't have, said spiteful things and the list goes on and on.
Guess what? That is okay if everyone knows that. I want God to be glorified, not me. God is doing a work in me that will take the rest of my life. Seriously, we all want people to think the best of us. I don't think of myself as a bad person until I look deeper and see the pride and yes sometimes self-righteousness, the one thing I hate in other people. I hate it in myself too. It is not that I think I am better than others it is just sometimes I think I am better than I really am.
But if we get insights on things and don't share them we are wasting our experiences and knowledge. Maybe we can help to make the path a little easier for the next person.
So I also need to tell myself the next time I read someone else's blog that I admire,that God is doing a work in them too, and it is so beautiful to see!!!

The Human Touch

As I think back on the past 2 weeks at my new job, I think about the people I have seen. Some are pretty
much all alone and see no one else except their in-home aid for weeks and weeks at a time. Others see
family members daily or at least weekly.
Still others spend a lot of time on the phone connected to loved ones.
I wonder if those family members that call regularly but visit rarely think they are doing enough for their loved
one.
"We have called Mom/Dad and they are having their needs met. Someone is doing their housework, cooking, personal needs. We have fulfilled our duty as their child." Are they though? What about companionship, face to face communication? Yes their are some that visit daily or at least several times a week. And that is wonderful. They get to have their independence and still share a touch. It is that touching that gives me cause to ponder.
I am a hugger. I crave the human touch. It gives me connection. I make a point of touching people when I see them, whether it is a hug to the appropriate person, or just a touch of the hand, arm or back. But to me it is my way of saying your are important enough for human contact. Your life has touched me and in return I will touch you.
It makes me think how much I miss the touch of my children and grandchildren. I usually have some kind of contact with at least one of them everyday. Via phone, text, email, facebook. It helps, but it still lacks that closeness that I crave. I understand that that is the way life is. I didn't know it was going to be like that when I was raising my kids. I thought we would always be together. I'm sure the people I serve thought the same thing. So for all intents and purposes they are still alone. It is sad to think about.
I think about how will it be when I can no longer do everything for myself. I know I would like to have some independence but I don't think I want to be alone. I don't want to burden my children by asking them to let me live with them, but then again, I don't want to just be a duty to be taken care of. When a person has been the caregiver for most of their lives how do they stop? How do they humble themselves to let a stranger help them bathe? My heart just aches for these lovely lonely people. I try to treat them with as much respect and compassion as I can. But I can never replace their family.