Yay, going home for a month before I have surgery. The Doctor's appointment went well. He was very optimistic. Everyone was so sweet, helpful, and caring. I really like the people at the Michiana Hematology and Oncology Center.


Surgery is scheduled for 3-2-15 at 8 AM.


Looking forward to going home. Not that I haven't loved being with my family. They are absolutely the best people on earth!


I also have the best friends in the world. The little notes, texts, messages, cards, phone calls are so encouraging. "We are thinking of you...praying for you...pulling for you..." How did I ever get so blessed?


Those of you who have said "call me anytime" just because I haven't called doesn't mean that I don't need you there. It is sometimes just a comfort to know that you are there!


It is still an unknown. Still questions. Still a bit unreal. But I know the one that has the answers and the one that has the reality and knows the unknown. So I trust and not stress.


I want that faith of a child. The kind that believes that Daddy will take care of the monsters under the bed.


I admit, I was so stressed yesterday, before I saw the Doctor, that my blood pressure was pretty high when they took it. I KNOW that God is in control, but sometimes my humanness trumps my spiritualality, and it takes a while to beat that puppy back into the kennel.


Well I know my Redeemer lives, I know my Redeemer lives, let all creation testify, Let this life in me cry, I know my Redeemer lives...

I am Blessed. God is good all the time!

This is not the way I thought I would start the new year. This is not the journey I wanted to take. It is certainly not one I wanted to drag my family through. But I don't have a choice, so here we go.


We knew this was a possibility, a probability, while we waited for the test results. Still it was a shock.


Cancer...such an ugly word. It is hard to say it out loud. I don't want to hide it but how do you tell someone?


"Hey I have cancer, please pray for me, pray for my family." Humbling...


I do want the prayers.
 I don't want the label.


 And you do get a label.
 I rebel against labels.
"All women are _______"
"All men are ________"
"All Christians are _______"
ETC...ETC...ETC...


We are individuals. Cancer victims are individuals. Like all women, all men, all Christians, we have similarities, but we have differences.


Some deal with it differently. Some the same.
 A dear friend wanted me to talk to someone they knew who survived cancer. It was a different kind, different circumstances. Not all cancers are the same. Yay that they survived, but I know their experiences were different than what mine will be.


We have gone through this before with our daughter. A different cancer, thyroid. She is well and cancer free, Praise God! But her life has changed forever.


Cancer divides time. Your life before, your life during, and God willing, your life after.


She is an amazing support. She understands my feelings. My feelings of unreasonable guilt for putting my family through this as if I had a choice. I know it isn't my fault, but the guilt is still there.


I understand the helpless feelings of my family because I have been there with her.


Although they may feel helpless, they are doing so much for me that I don't even have to think very hard. Such a beautiful rest for me.


They are making appointments for me, researching things on-line, working on finance parts, driving me around, and back and forth from their homes to my parents' home, calling their Dad to help him through this too.


Their prayers, their encouraging words, their love...I am truly blessed...but then...I knew that.